Livin' With The Retired - writing
IMPORANT: DON'T POST YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (that's a lot of exclamation points) '' *it had been a normal day in Coral City* '''Squidward: '''Gee, this place is boring. '''SpongeBob: Wanna move back to Bikini Bottom? Squidward: '''That's like asking a school student if he'd like to be a slave instead. '''Patrick: You know I have a slave. Squidward: *crosses tentacles* Oh, really? And who's that? Patrick: Technetium! Technetium: '''Excuse me? '''Matthew: '''You guys are real weirdos. '''Squidward: '''Why is he in my house? '''SpongeBob: '''Because I invited him. '''Squidward: '''Oh, no! He's not allowed in my house! Not after that horrible painting he did of me! '''Matthew: '''Oh, come on! That painting was spot on! '''Squidward: I really hope I don't spend the rest of time making snarky remarks towards you idiots. Technetium: You know, I think I spotted a time machine in Finster's lair when he trapped me in there. Perhaps we could use it to travel to the future and check it out! Patrick: 'Who's Finster? *they all stare at them with a deadpan expression* *cut to Patrick's room, where the main cast is seen pushing Patrick's bed aside and hopping into Finster's lair* '''Finster: '''Oh, no! You're not going worry! '''Squidward: '*rolls his eyes, taking out a shotgun and shooting him* '''Matthew: '''Gah! You just killed him! '''Technetium: Don't worry, he averts the continuity of the series. Patrick: '''And you avert the fourth wall of the series! *the gang hopped into the time machine and it zapped them to Bikini Bottom Retirement Center* '''Squidward: '''What the heck is this dump? '''Old SpongeBob: Howdy! *cough* SpongeBob: Wow! You're me! ...But you talk like Sandy. Patrick: '''Yeah, who says "howdy" these days? Unless you're from Stupid. '''Old Squidward: SpongeBob, what did I say about having guests in our house? ...ah, my hip! Squidward: Wait....OUR house? You mean I STILL share a house with SpongeBob and Patrick after all this time? Geez, you guys really need to get out more. Technetium: You do realize they sell houses online, right? They wouldn't need to go outside to find a new house. Old Patrick: *enters the room, eating a donut* Oh, people. Hello. Patrick: Hah! I look sexy as an old person! Old Patrick: *hits Patrick on the head with his cane* No, I look sexy as an old person! Patrick: OWW! That's what I said!!! Do I really get even dumber in the future?! SpongeBob: Wait, I'm confused. What's going on here??? Technetium: *doing some techno-nerd stuff with the time machine* Hmmm....it appears there's been a malfunction. Patrick: A what? Matthew: A malfunction. It's brought us to an alternate universe. Squidward: Well, that explains why we're back in the dump known as Bikini Bottom. And in a piece of junk retirement home...Wait, is that Eugene? I have to live with him too?! Old Squidward: Trust me, it's the worst. However..... Old Sandy: Hey babe. *begins making out with Squidward* Squidward: *he stares blankly at the two* Old Squidward: That's right. You get to marry Sandy. Squidward: *he grabs SpongeBob, quickly throwing up into one of his holes* SpongeBob: '''Wow, now I know how Squilvia feels when you cum inside her. '''Squidward: I HAVE NEVER CUMMED INSIDE SQUILVIA! Squilvia: *slides over to Squidward* How about we change that right now? Squidward: *his eyes widen, jumping back* How the hell did you get here?! Squilvia: '''Well, you see, I was in Finster's lair, looking for my sex spray when I found it. But it turns out it was invisibility spray. Then I got in some neat chair thing to masturbuate when you guys came in and ruined it ._. *Old Squidward & Old Sandy continue making out* '''Matthew: Ew, ew,ew! Nothing's worse than old people making out! Except maybe "Life As A Prisoner". But other than that, nothing! Old Squidward: Tee-hee. Old Plankton: Hey, sonny, has anyone seen my glasses? Old Krabs: *stomps on him* There they are! Arg! Arg! Arg! SpongeBob: Geez, I thought Mr. Krabs wouldn't gotten over it after Plankton retired from evil. Old Plankton: '''Retired?! I mean, yeah I'm in a retirement home but- ''RETIRED FROM EVIL?! '' '''Technetium: '''Yeah, this is definitely an alternate universe. '''Squidward: Why do we...er....they all live in the same house? I mean I get SpongeBob and Patrick but you guys too? Old Krabs: It's the Bikini Bottom Retirement Community. And this was the last available room....so we all share it. Squidward: Why in the world am I in a retirement home?! My house back at Coral City is SUPER ''cheap! SpongeBob and Patrick pay for it anyways. '''Old Patrick: '''What's Coral City? '''Patrick:' How can you not know? We've been living in it for almost a year! I mean, I know I'm dumb but this dumb? Really??? Technetium: '''Alternate universe. Remember, Patrick? '''Patrick: '''What's a Patrick? '''Technetium: *floats back to the machine* ....ummm, guys.... Matthew: What? Technetium: When the machine malfunctioned, it appears to have over-heated.... Squidward: AND????? Technetium: It broke. Patrick: Your point? Technetium: *deadpan* That means we're stuck. Squidward: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Patrick: Oh, come on, Squidward! It's not that bad! SpongeBob: Yeah, these peeps seem cool. Patrick: Especially the pink starfish. Squidward: That's because he's you! Patrick: Oh. Party time! Old Patrick: Oh yeah! *falls over* SpongeBob: What's happening to him? Old Sandy: He's having a heart attack, sonny. Patrick: Whaaaaaat???? Old Patrick: It's my time to go......farewell........*dies* Patrick: ......I just watched my future self die. SpongeBob: *patting him* There, there. This will only haunt you forever. Patrick: That was...That was...awesome! If only I got it on video! Old SpongeBob: Don't worry, he'll be alive again in the next episode. Technetium: Seriously? Old Krabs: Yep. In this alternate universe, people can die and come back a few days later. Old Squidward: Especially the guy next door! Old Plankton: Charles Dingleberry! SpongeBob: Can we meet him? Old Sandy: Sure thing, sonny. *waddles over to the wall, and pounds on it* Hey, Charles! Get in here! Charles: *enters the room with a cane* Someone call me? Old SpongeBob: *shoots him* SpongeBob: Whoa! I would never do that! Patrick: Yeah! That's my job! Old SpongeBob: In this universe you would. SpongeBob: Now what? Old SpongeBob: We wait. 24 hours later* Old Sandy: *waddles over to the wall, and pounds on it* Hey, Charles! Get in here! Charles: *enters the room with a cane* Someone call me? Old SpongeBob: *shoots him* Patrick: Haha! That's awesome! Squidward: I wanna go back to MY universe! Old Squidward: In your universe, you don't marry Sandy. *winks* Squidward: *dryly* And I'm content with that. Besides, I could get a better girl anyway. Old Squidward: Lol. No. You. Can't. Matthew: '''Did you just use "lol" in a sentence? '''Squidward: Oh, yes I could! I'm the sexiest squid alive! *everyone starts laughing at him* Old Krabs: BAHAHAHHAHAHH!! Oh, that's a good one! *Krabs dies laughing of a heart attack* Old SpongeBob: Oh, there he goes. He'll be back tomorrow. Old Patrick: I'm back too! I died yesterday! Old SpongeBob: *shoots him* Anyway, Squidward you're not attractive. Or pleasant.....like, at all. Patrick: This is making me so hony. Squidward: I AM ATTRACTIVE!!!! Technetium: No. Old Squidward: In this universe, yes. In your universe.....nope. Matthew: Atleast you'' EXIST'' in this universe. Me and Technetium don't exist! Old Plankton: Nah, you exist. Matthew: Really? Old SpongeBob: You even lived in the retirement community for a while. Technetium: Where are we now? Old Sandy: Well, Matthew married Squilvia and had 4 kids before he went to jail for robbing a convenient store... Matthew: Oh... Squilvia: '''Sounds like a plan to me! *cups Matthew's face* How about we face it happen? '''Matthew: *pushes her away* I'm ten years old! Old Sandy: And Technetium... Technetium: Yes... Old Sandy: Jellyfish don't come back to life.....I'm sorry. Technetium: .....*frowns* Old SpongeBob: Well! Aren't you guys glad you atleast exist here? Matthew: *under his breath* Sure... Technetium: I used to exist. Squidward: So what about the time machine?! Technetium: '''*deadpan* It's broken. '''Patrick: Looks like we're stuck here. SpongeBob: What do you guys do for fun? Old SpongeBob: Well, we're old people. So we play bingo....and chess.....and bingo. Squidward: *deadpan* You already said that. Old SpongeBob: Heh? Squidward: You already SAID that. Old SpongeBob: My hearing aid's turned off. Can you reach into my ear and turn it on, sonny? Squidward: Nope. Technetium: Not it. SpongeBob: I didn't even know I had ears... Matthew: Guys, can I have a word with you for a minute? *he pulls SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Technetium into the hallway* *The old people try to follow them* Matthew: *pushes them away* No! Not you guys! Old Plankton: Awwww.... *leaves them alone* Matthew: Guys, we need to get out of here! SpongeBob: But without a time machine there's no way! Squidward: No shit, SpongeBob! Technetium: So then how do we get out of here? I checked the time machine, it'll take at least a year to fix it! And that's if I spend literally'' all'' my time working on it! *Old SpongeBob is listening through the door* Old SpongeBob: Dr. Gaylord has a time machine! *scene quickly changes to everyone standing in Dr. Gaylord's secret lab* Squidward: You have a laboratory under the retirement home? SpongeBob: '''Finster has a laboratory under Patrick's bed. '''Squidward: '''Well, Finster's an idiot. '''Technetium: Good point. Dr. Gaylord: Indeed. Pretty awesome, right? Patrick: Hell yeah it IS!!! Matthew: What kinda name is 'Gaylord', yo? Dr. Gaylord: STOP TALKING!!!!! Squidward: Wait. Gaylord? Does that mean you're gay?! *growls, taking out an axe* Dr. Gaylord: No, that's just my name! Squidward: '''Oh. *throws the axe away, killing Charles* Well, that's a stupid name. '''Dr. Gaylord: Anyways, I have a time machine. And it has alternate universes included, but I'm not sure if I can get you back to YOUR universe. Squidward: Please!!! I don't wanna be stuck with these old losers! Old Squidward: Hey, atleast this old loser got a smokin' hot wife! Old Sandy: Haha. '''Squidward: I CAN GET ANY GIRL I WANT.'' Dr. Gaylord: Hahahah! Good luck with that, penis nose! Squidward: Hey! *points to Old Squidward's nose* He has one too!!! Old Krabs: Yeah, but it looks good on him. *everyone stares at Mr. Krabs for a few seconds* Old Krabs: Yeah...I said it. Squidward: *sigh* Squilvia: '''Don't worry, Squilvia. I think your nose looks amazing~ *begins to suck on it* '''Squidward: Gah! Get off! *pushes her away and quickly hops into the time machine* *the rest of the cast hops in as well* Dr. Gaylord: It's too futuristic for you. You live 75 years in the past. Matthew: I can do this! Let's see....all I have to do is switch the setting... ZAAAAAAAP Matthew: Here we are! Back at home! ...I think. *a male-version of Squilvia approaches Squidward* Male Squilvia: Raaaar, tiger! Squidward: WHOAAAAAAAA, hold the phone! This is NOT the right universe! Matthew: Eh, it's kinda close. I'll see if I can adjust the settings... Old SpongeBob: Hello! SpongeBob: What are you doing here? Old SpongeBob: The gang and I tagged along. Old Squidward: Haha! THIS is your universe, Squidward? With some weird MAN flirting with you? Squidward: It's the wrong universe, you idiot! Weren't you listening?! Matthew: All of you tagged along? Dr. Gaylord: Tee-hee. So did I! Old Plankton: I even brought the dead bodies! They'll be risen by sunrise! *carrying dead Old Patrick, Old Krabs, and Charles* Technetium: Great, now we're going to have to bring them home too. Matthew: Guys! The machine can't carry this kind of weight! ......uh-oh..... *the time machine collapses, and falls into pieces* Dr. Gaylord: MY BABY!!!!! Matthew: Told ya. Technetium: Well, it seems we're stuck in this.....slightly similar universe. Male Squilvia: *grabs Squidward and kisses him* Awwwyeahhhh!!!! Squidward: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! *he jumps out of Male Squilvia's tentacles, quickly murdering all the residents of the alternate universes* *the dead bodies of Old Patrick, Old Krabs and Charles spring up to life* All Three: PARTY!!!!!! *the R&R starts partying and bouncing off the walls while the LWTS cast just stares at them with deadpan expressions on their face* Squidward: I hate my life. Category:Episodes Category:Crossovers